I’m writing this blog at the end of December 2013 … instead of letting the tears flow, tears of self criticism, self bullying, and ego.
Because of the way I look.
After a very hard health year, feeling like I’m going backwards not forwards, dealing with chronic illness, chronic pain, no social life, not much sex and not a lot of joy, I then got told I couldn’t eat chocolate.
Of all things, yes that is what sent me over the edge!!!
Green smoothies galore, food combining diets to help fix my inability to digest food, supplements galore, less and less sugar, raw food… it’s been a hard slog.
Even though I really do like green smoothies.
And then after 3+ months of doing all of this with no weight loss, no energy, ridiculous migraines, bad hair loss, blah blah blah … I get told I have almost none of the hormone DHEA and even less Testosterone. YAY a miracle cure. I get the drugs I need and almost a month later I still feel no different.
This is why online shopping was invented.
But now back to the real world… Facebook! lol
A few nights ago I dragged myself out to a reunion feeling crap but sick of missing out on everything. I suffered. Didn’t drink but still suffered. Shouldn’t have gone. Days go by.
And then I see the photo.
I looked as bad as I felt.
Actually I felt 80 and looked about 55. I am 39.
So now I am leaving everything that lead to that horrible photo back, in 2013.
I refuse to give my power away to things I can now change, even just a little bit.
And I am facing 2014 with acceptance.
And I am still going to eat chocolate.
And I am going to give myself a bit of a break to create some joy.
And then I am going to follow my bliss which means…
* looking at myself from the inside out with love
* be kind to myself
* keep doing the best I can
* expanding Bliss – yay!
* creating a new yoga space at my house with an amazing sheep skin rug on the floor that is so inviting for yoga and meditation
* keep pushing my doctors and specialists with hope
* rest when I need to
And I’m going to be thankful for…
* my amazing business which I love and I am so proud of
* my amazing staff – I love them all
* living by the beach with the most amazing views of the ocean and sunsets
* having beautiful friends who love and accept me as I am
* being alive
* being more fortunate than so many
* having access to an expansive medical system
* having a well functioning brain
* my strength which continues to grow
* being a really nice person who I am ultimately very proud of being.
* And for hope
Bring on 2014
Love Zoe xxx
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