I think I may have said this before in a blog … but being ignored is one of the most painful things.
For some reason it keeps happening over and over in my life to the point I’ve had to rethink friendships, readjust to moving away from the people I love and mourn the silence as ‘loss’ from a person I had started to grow very close too.
In a spiritual sense it is referred to as a death when you have a significant loss.
In schoolyards it is referred to as Bullying.
We all aspire to be loved, acknowledged and deemed important in other peoples lives and this is a natural thing, not something to be made to feel inadequate about.
Just recently after pondering quite a hurtful and unexplainable ‘loss’ in this way, I had a breakthrough realization after 45 days of soul searching and years of questioning; And deeming myself somehow to blame on a general sense for all accounts of this behaviour in the past.
On this occasion someone I started to care about immensely had withdrawn to the point of no contact … with no real explanation. Being in another country I was sitting here with an open heart that felt ‘beaten’. I knew this person had their own things to deal with and ultimately this was not about me. But when you open your heart to someone (and for me this was after many years of guarding it closely), whether it is a friend, associate or lover it is extremely hurtful and disrespectful to be ‘ignored’.
Ok on some occasions I do understand why people do this AFTER a person hasn’t accepted an explanation of withdrawl. That I can understand. But that is very different.
So while floating in the pool … yes it’s a hard life living in Bali J I suddenly realized this lesson kept re occurring because I need to learn to ‘Let Go’.
Such a simple yet important breakthrough for me.
After parting ways with some close friends as we just weren’t on the same page anymore I had finally let go.
After moving to another country and just not being a close part in so many friends and families lives in general, I had learnt to let go.
After leaving solid employment for a ‘stab in the dark’ at a whole new venture and turning my back on stability, I had learnt to let go.
And after my puppy tragically drowned after a couple of days of getting him and holding onto the guilt and shame, I had finally learnt to let go.
Of the image that other people have of me I have learnt to let go.
About being a control freak at the villa and having it run a certain way when I have an amazing and wonderful friend and employee who I trust implicitly, I learnt to let go.
But when I felt rejected by somebody I loved, I was having major difficulty! I realized this came out of ‘neediness’ within me rather than what was happening in the other persons life.
Intellectually I know that other peoples actions are about them and everything in their life up to this point … not about me.
I know that I can say the same thing to 100 different people and they will all take it differently based on their experiences.
I know that having an open heart can only be a great thing and give back to the world on an energetic level in a positive way.
I know that if I am feeling hurt then that is a reflection of something inside me.
After all, I could choose to not be affected by this happening at all.
Based on everything that has happened in MY life to this point that isn’t a choice at all. I needed to feel this abandonment and realize my neediness. And I needed to let go.
So now I have Let Go …
And then I got an email! Lol.
A lovely email that explained everything in a way I could accept.
Nothing in our life is permanent.
It is a lesson we all have to learn, to let go.
Only through letting go have I been able to accomplish my dreams in successfully starting Bliss Sanctuary For Women and living in another country.
Just as we only ever have purpose in what we can give to others, we can only measure what we have in our hearts by the ‘stuff’ we have let go.
I’m sure if I was Buddhist I would be one step closer to enlightenment after this breakthrough moment!!! Lol.
Much Love, Zoe x